I was so attracted to the Kshatriya race and the traditions followed by them. Ever since i started reading Mahabharata, The principles they follow amaze me a lot. Even though there were many notable things there were certain things which is nagging me. I met no one so far who could clarify me those nags. It was told in mahabharata that Yudistira the just, meaning that he is well known for his judgements and he will not slip from justice. There were two scenarios which is nagging me in this aspect. First, Yudistira would never have been victorious if it wasn't for his lies which took the life of drona and secondly when kunti was feeding poison for the nisadha mother and children at varanavratha, what was his justice doing at that time.
There could be many number of reasons why they should die, but the way they have died in the hands of kunti and pandavas were not justified and yet he was called yudistira the just. It was also called that Arjuna the victorious warrior ever in the field of battle field. Why then he was not able to defeat Bhisma without the help of shikandin. He also attacked a person who has dropped his weapon. As far my knowledge it is not been considered as the qualities of kshatriya. Not only that he also killed two other persons in the war without following the dharma definied for kshatriya (viz. karna and Burisravas). Though it was satyaki who killed burisravas in the battle field, it was arjuna who first cut his hand when he is not fighting with him.
Reading further, when karna spared yudistira his life, he was angry at arjuna for not killing karna. But when Dhuriyodhana was saved by Yudistira during their gandarvas attack. He resolved to cast away his life rather than angering towards yudistira. Even he would not have been victorious if not for his lies which caused drona to cast away his life. Considering all these facts, as Balarama said that just because of one bad quality (extremely bad) you are not considering the good qualities residing in him. where as the Pandavas were never spoken about their bad qualities which is on the other extreme near to good.
Not only in Mahabharata, even in ramayana, Rama defeated valli without following the war rules. if it weren't that incidence Rama would never have gained the vanara troops and we may never know whether rama would have succeeded in his quest.He sent sita away upon hearing the words of his people. He also claims it as Raj Neethi. But doesn't that mean that he has slipped his justice for an women. again people started tales about the incident, there could be hell lot of reasons we may never know but with the revealed info so far, it occurs to me that there is no victory without small violations.
The same thing is what happening in the present world and present raaj neethi and only difference is that now people are exploring new ways to justify themselves and always try to be victorious by violating everything. if the same continues there will come a day where violation is the one and only source of survival and when such time comes we may never know that it was start of Armageddon
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Sweet and The Bitter - II
I actually do not want to present this part of my love story but, this my new company making me read many technical documents and eventually i have to keep myself from dozing off. As I had mentioned in my previous blog my chats and talks with her was making me crazy. I have never felt like this before. Unable to withstand my craziness, I decided to propose her. Just deciding would not do. I have to make it right and make it work. I always have the fear that she might reject, I believe everyone who's in love and haven't expressed it might have. I just cannot think of the possibility of being rejected. So I have decided to prepare myself for the rejection first.
I was looking out for every opportunity to distract my thought. I kind of grabbed more work at office and kept myself busy. This actually costed me some late night works :) but that's ok as the strategy was working. whenever she calls me i was kind of cutting it short with work as my excuse and i continued it to certain point where i was just responding to her calls and never initiated one. Those were really hard times but I managed. This carried on for a while. Even though I was taking few steps back whenever i received her call my instincts would urge me to propose her. I was kind of expecting that she herself would understand it. sometimes it seems to me that she clearly knows what i had in mind but she always teased me. I was a kind of losing patience. Though i have habituated not to call her, I couldn't control her calls to me.
Thank God for my second on-site visit as it meant that our calls would be cut down and i do not need to hear her voice for few months. I somewhat mentally prepared myself that i need to propose to her before returning. I don't actually want to stay close to her when that happens and i wanted the means of communication to be minimal so that I can handle the situation gracefully whatever her response may be. Hence I decided that I should propose to her before coming back. After reaching US we continued to stay in touch via e-mails and internet chats. I was kind of started thinking how people survived without cellular phones and Internets as they are so into being part of our life, Thanks to IT for that.
We were chatting about various things during my initial days in US. I reached my last month stay in US and nothing happened so far. I came to know that she is taking a vacation of 10 days for some festival in her native and she wont be coming online as the village is not technologically developed to provide internet. Blame the Indian government for keeping the rural areas undeveloped. The time she mentioned was exactly a week before my departure. I was kind of hoping that would be the correct time to do it and not hear from her for at least 10 days. I never have imagined about the response whether it be YES or NO, I am not sure i could handle either. All I was thinking is it would be off my plate that's it. Finally the day arrived (its an anniversary today as it happened on the same date exactly few years ago) and I proposed. In-spite of all the imaginations i had about how to do it and the appropriate timing and the environment, I just slipped it out of our casual chat.
Even today I feel that I could have bettered it, but its happened. she actually kind of handled it well and rejected my proposal in a very smooth way but the problem started after wards. I was out of her contact for 10 days and the break actually helped me.I came back to India and was kind of hoping that she would not call. Even though I prepared myself to take NO, I felt I needed some break to get over her completely. she didn't called me for 2 weeks. I was kind of thankful to her as she understood my situation and is giving me my time. I as usual maintained my state of not initiating a call. she called me after few days and sounded upset, she was accusing me for not calling her and blamed me that i have been ignoring her as she rejected me. It is true that i ignored her but not suddenly and definitely not after I proposed to her. I had been ignoring her even before that but she doesn't seems to see it. All my activities to prepare myself for NO suddenly seems to have acquired its gigantic form. She seemed to realize each and every activity of it and started blaming me that i am doing it only after she rejected me. I don't want to hurt her as during our talks earlier i know that she has been badly hurt by her other friends and she now believes that i am her best friend. I wanted to tell her that "Hey chill out, I have been recently turned down by you. Don't you think I need time to cheer up?" but my love towards her prevented me to say it as i don't want her to hurt again by a friend.
Everyday the accusation continued. The hardest part is she blames me in the name of getting me back to normal. She never realized that only way of getting me back to normal was leave me alone for few days. The blames continued for a while after a while I guess she was fed up with blaming me so she reduced her frequency of calling. This relaxed me a bit. Even though i wanted to keep my distance from her, I was always feeling guilt about avoiding her being her best friend. Finally after over some 6 months period I could finally overcome it and started calling her. I didn't know whether she realized my situations or not but, slowly I diverted her attention from me and moved myself from her best fried to friend state. Now we are still in touch not to the extent we were before but we do share few moments of our life.
I was looking out for every opportunity to distract my thought. I kind of grabbed more work at office and kept myself busy. This actually costed me some late night works :) but that's ok as the strategy was working. whenever she calls me i was kind of cutting it short with work as my excuse and i continued it to certain point where i was just responding to her calls and never initiated one. Those were really hard times but I managed. This carried on for a while. Even though I was taking few steps back whenever i received her call my instincts would urge me to propose her. I was kind of expecting that she herself would understand it. sometimes it seems to me that she clearly knows what i had in mind but she always teased me. I was a kind of losing patience. Though i have habituated not to call her, I couldn't control her calls to me.
Thank God for my second on-site visit as it meant that our calls would be cut down and i do not need to hear her voice for few months. I somewhat mentally prepared myself that i need to propose to her before returning. I don't actually want to stay close to her when that happens and i wanted the means of communication to be minimal so that I can handle the situation gracefully whatever her response may be. Hence I decided that I should propose to her before coming back. After reaching US we continued to stay in touch via e-mails and internet chats. I was kind of started thinking how people survived without cellular phones and Internets as they are so into being part of our life, Thanks to IT for that.
We were chatting about various things during my initial days in US. I reached my last month stay in US and nothing happened so far. I came to know that she is taking a vacation of 10 days for some festival in her native and she wont be coming online as the village is not technologically developed to provide internet. Blame the Indian government for keeping the rural areas undeveloped. The time she mentioned was exactly a week before my departure. I was kind of hoping that would be the correct time to do it and not hear from her for at least 10 days. I never have imagined about the response whether it be YES or NO, I am not sure i could handle either. All I was thinking is it would be off my plate that's it. Finally the day arrived (its an anniversary today as it happened on the same date exactly few years ago) and I proposed. In-spite of all the imaginations i had about how to do it and the appropriate timing and the environment, I just slipped it out of our casual chat.
Even today I feel that I could have bettered it, but its happened. she actually kind of handled it well and rejected my proposal in a very smooth way but the problem started after wards. I was out of her contact for 10 days and the break actually helped me.I came back to India and was kind of hoping that she would not call. Even though I prepared myself to take NO, I felt I needed some break to get over her completely. she didn't called me for 2 weeks. I was kind of thankful to her as she understood my situation and is giving me my time. I as usual maintained my state of not initiating a call. she called me after few days and sounded upset, she was accusing me for not calling her and blamed me that i have been ignoring her as she rejected me. It is true that i ignored her but not suddenly and definitely not after I proposed to her. I had been ignoring her even before that but she doesn't seems to see it. All my activities to prepare myself for NO suddenly seems to have acquired its gigantic form. She seemed to realize each and every activity of it and started blaming me that i am doing it only after she rejected me. I don't want to hurt her as during our talks earlier i know that she has been badly hurt by her other friends and she now believes that i am her best friend. I wanted to tell her that "Hey chill out, I have been recently turned down by you. Don't you think I need time to cheer up?" but my love towards her prevented me to say it as i don't want her to hurt again by a friend.
Everyday the accusation continued. The hardest part is she blames me in the name of getting me back to normal. She never realized that only way of getting me back to normal was leave me alone for few days. The blames continued for a while after a while I guess she was fed up with blaming me so she reduced her frequency of calling. This relaxed me a bit. Even though i wanted to keep my distance from her, I was always feeling guilt about avoiding her being her best friend. Finally after over some 6 months period I could finally overcome it and started calling her. I didn't know whether she realized my situations or not but, slowly I diverted her attention from me and moved myself from her best fried to friend state. Now we are still in touch not to the extent we were before but we do share few moments of our life.
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Sweet and The Bitter
It has been long time since I expressed myself. I was kind of busy in this, that and that. In the gap between my last post and this, I have realised many things and some I really wanted to blog it. But, as usual I couldn't do it may be I was destined to keep it myself (chuckles). Also I have changed my job so there might be delay in my blogging. I couldn't resist this thought so here I present.
We come across many things in our life but all of them doesn't remain as our memories. There are certain memories like first job, first betrayal etc., which we might not be able to get rid of our mind. No matter how hard you try it, one thing or other will always keeps reminding you those memories and First Love stands top in those list. The reason I write this blog now in-spite of my other nibbling thoughts is also the same. Few years back it so happened that i expressed my love to a girl. The memories of those moments still remain in me. I still remember the minute details of that moment.
Few years before I proposed her she came in my life. I still remember the first time I met her where she mistook me as my brother and was chatting with me. Out of school and freshly into college, I instantly developed a crush towards her. I always used to imagine many things out of which some are extraordinary and some are simple but I have never attempted to try either of them. Speaking to girls was one such thing for me at that age. Since we are not of same college its very rare occasions that I meet her. It would make me feel happy when such occasions occur. It continued for some period and I have kind of being developed friendship with all in their group. It was all moving well until one day I heard the news. yes, she was already in love with someone and it so happened that he is one of my close friend in that group.
I was so depressed and as everyone do I was judging all the diplomatic reasons to convince myself either to move on or their love is immature. It took me some time to realize its I who is immature to still struggle with thoughts as i was not sure at that point of time whether my feeling towards her was an infatuation or love. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind, luckily it made something good to me. It actually increased my bonding with my friends. I am still happy that happened. The Final semester was nearing sooner and my focus shifted towards job and she was completely out of my thoughts. I was soon placed in a decent software firm and the job changed everything in me. I happened to learn responsibility and many things and since I was sharing the room with my college friends, my days was moving very fast.
One day, I happened to hear that she has broken-up with her boyfriend and I felt very happy for a moment and even i thought of re-inventing my love with her. Later I realised that both were my friends and felt pity for their situation. I was quickly back into my world and was concentrating on my work. I was sent to US as part of my job and before starting to US I visited my parents and it so happened that i met her and we greeted each other with general "hi" "hello" and exchanged our mail-id's. Even though I was busy at my work I was feeling a little bit bored as i was missing something in US. In a weeks time she started chatting with me. Initially with few minutes and lately it followed all night. I used to stay awake till 4 in the morning just to chat with her. sometimes she will be online and some times she might not. As time moves on I was kind of expecting her ping daily and will get upset when i dont see her online.
She used to share everything with me, infact I believe that she started chatting with me because of the break-up. Since all her friends are his too she was searching for someone to express herself. Our this chatting increased our friendship, we continued to stay in touch after i reached to india. Every time my phone rings, I was hoping that it would be her that is when I realised my love for her. I never send/reply via sms to anyone but started sending it to her. I realised that i am moving closer to her and tried to keep my distance but couldn't. In one way or another we end up talking daily. I even asked her out (as a friend) - to know her intention of spending time with me but I received a mixed response and I was not able to study her intentions.
Finally during my second visit to US I have made up my mind that i need to propose her before my return. One Fine day It happened (more on it later as it is getting lengthier) :)
We come across many things in our life but all of them doesn't remain as our memories. There are certain memories like first job, first betrayal etc., which we might not be able to get rid of our mind. No matter how hard you try it, one thing or other will always keeps reminding you those memories and First Love stands top in those list. The reason I write this blog now in-spite of my other nibbling thoughts is also the same. Few years back it so happened that i expressed my love to a girl. The memories of those moments still remain in me. I still remember the minute details of that moment.
Few years before I proposed her she came in my life. I still remember the first time I met her where she mistook me as my brother and was chatting with me. Out of school and freshly into college, I instantly developed a crush towards her. I always used to imagine many things out of which some are extraordinary and some are simple but I have never attempted to try either of them. Speaking to girls was one such thing for me at that age. Since we are not of same college its very rare occasions that I meet her. It would make me feel happy when such occasions occur. It continued for some period and I have kind of being developed friendship with all in their group. It was all moving well until one day I heard the news. yes, she was already in love with someone and it so happened that he is one of my close friend in that group.
I was so depressed and as everyone do I was judging all the diplomatic reasons to convince myself either to move on or their love is immature. It took me some time to realize its I who is immature to still struggle with thoughts as i was not sure at that point of time whether my feeling towards her was an infatuation or love. I tried to push the thoughts out of my mind, luckily it made something good to me. It actually increased my bonding with my friends. I am still happy that happened. The Final semester was nearing sooner and my focus shifted towards job and she was completely out of my thoughts. I was soon placed in a decent software firm and the job changed everything in me. I happened to learn responsibility and many things and since I was sharing the room with my college friends, my days was moving very fast.
One day, I happened to hear that she has broken-up with her boyfriend and I felt very happy for a moment and even i thought of re-inventing my love with her. Later I realised that both were my friends and felt pity for their situation. I was quickly back into my world and was concentrating on my work. I was sent to US as part of my job and before starting to US I visited my parents and it so happened that i met her and we greeted each other with general "hi" "hello" and exchanged our mail-id's. Even though I was busy at my work I was feeling a little bit bored as i was missing something in US. In a weeks time she started chatting with me. Initially with few minutes and lately it followed all night. I used to stay awake till 4 in the morning just to chat with her. sometimes she will be online and some times she might not. As time moves on I was kind of expecting her ping daily and will get upset when i dont see her online.
She used to share everything with me, infact I believe that she started chatting with me because of the break-up. Since all her friends are his too she was searching for someone to express herself. Our this chatting increased our friendship, we continued to stay in touch after i reached to india. Every time my phone rings, I was hoping that it would be her that is when I realised my love for her. I never send/reply via sms to anyone but started sending it to her. I realised that i am moving closer to her and tried to keep my distance but couldn't. In one way or another we end up talking daily. I even asked her out (as a friend) - to know her intention of spending time with me but I received a mixed response and I was not able to study her intentions.
Finally during my second visit to US I have made up my mind that i need to propose her before my return. One Fine day It happened (more on it later as it is getting lengthier) :)
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