The Feel

When I started to think about writing this topic, there were hell lot of things going on my mind but, when i sat down for penning it down, I was not able to find the words and all of a sudden my mind went blank.

when we are not able to explain something and desperately wanted to explain then what do we call it?. I call it "The Feel" effect. Its not like the ordinary feeling that everyone gets, I believe that it has to be something different. I recently realized that i had many such effects where i desperately wanted to tell something to others but was lost without words or i believe there is no suitable words to explain it. Its like whatever the word that you chose to explain it, you will feel that it is very little in expressing it. I used to give up finally after so much of stress to myself.

I used to wonder what creates "The Feel" effect. I in fact believed that the unanswerable questions might lead you to it. Like when i ask myself, Why do you need money? I need it to solve my problems, Why do you need to solve your problems? silly, I need to live happily which i can achieve by solving my problems and why you need to live happily? becoz.. becoz.., I do not know, Its just the feel. It makes something which I wanted it more and more and it makes me feel good, People call it as "happiness". It Maybe but, I didn't feel the word explained the amount of happiness I experienced. In this case is the amount of happiness is what is called "The Feel" effect?

I cannot blindly commit to it. Becoz I felt many such feel in my dream, where i will be explaining something to someone. Its not like an ordinary expressing but "the feel" as and when i talk about it the happiness inside me increased exponentially and i was desperate that i wanted the person whom i am saying this to desperately understand the feel in which i am explaining.

I do believe that "the feel" might not occur on the same thing to all, people might experience it with different things. Like a Musician desperately "feel" the music, there were few people who desperately feel proud in explaining history e.t.c.,

I have a very strange thought of chasing the "feel" which occurs when one feels the purpose of his life. If one was able to achieve a feel which he believes as the purpose of his life, he whom i believe has succeeded in achieving his "Anveshana - The Quest". I am searching for the feel of my life (Not to decline that i experienced "the feel" effect while writing this blog.

Sambavami Yuge Yuge - II

Mahabaratha, one of the greatest Indian epic. The mystery it unfolds are countless and every time I read it, it appears new to me. There has been lot of guidance and lot of references we can quote from this epic but, are we actually following it? are we considering it seriously?. I would say it differs from person to person and how he interprets it. The one thing which I didn't like about mahabaratha is that it leaves lot of question unanswered. we can debate answers to some questions but many still reamins unanswered.

One such question i had was in the core of the mahabaratha. Being victim myself, I was a bit taken aback before putting forth this question but, fact is i cannot stop questioning myself so here it is. Nowadays many people i meet expect instant justice i.e., they want the bad to be punished then and there. Thinking really deep about it, I too was convinced that it is correct because people tend to forget things often and by the time one was punished for his bad deeds, people would have forgotten what he had done. I always curse myself for being not able to do something regarding this. my heart moves towards good in my vantage point and feel for them. I felt bad about our inefficiency in not resolving the issues quickly. I do not know what it is but, some how i feel that i am responsible for this to happen or atleast responsible for letting it not resolved sooner.

History always stated that the justice is not instant. Take for example the ramayana and mahabaratha. In ramayana it took 14 years for rama to gain back the kingdom and in mahabaratha it took 13 years for the pandavas to avenge panchali. so now if we take it from history that justice is not instant but will get it definitely in the end, other questions pops up immediately. what is the significant of those justice. I am pretty sure that bad was punished but what happened to the good? Even the history doesn't have the positive solution for it. Take for example ramayana and mahabaratha. In ramayana, rama and sita were never the same after the defeat of ravana. I am not stating that rama has changed and sita has changed but the life they had earlier was lost. They were not able to go back to the same life whatever may be the reason. The same was the case with mahabaratha, Yudhistira never ruled the kindom happily after the mahabaratha war.

Arjuna was never the same, mahabaratha was the last war he participated, after that he was not able to punish the looters on his way back to indraprasta from dwaraka. The reason explained was that his purpose on the earth was fulfilled. His karma was obtained and his service is no longer needed in this world. Would this situation have been changed if they had fought the mahabaratha war the next day after the dice game ?? we may never know answer for this. Why was the war not happened immediately when many kings know what happened at the dice was really unfair?. Vysa again explains this through yudisthira that even under the distress, one has to keep his promises. so if yudisthira was exiled why didn't krishna so dear to pandavans avenge them? instead he waited for yudisthira to come back.

This as I understand clearly signifies that krishna's karma was to make sure that all the great kings participated in the war. Clearly laying the plot for the destruction of the whole kshatriya race. Arjuna needed the time to earn the weapon needed to destroy the greatest kings and to fulfill his karma. karna needed his time to get cursed by rama son of jamadagni, Dhuriyodana needed time to strengthen his army for the great war fulfilling krishna's wish. The one thing which i admire the most is the role of krishna, who chose to stand against his own troops in the war making sure that his yadava race are not omitted from the destruction of kshatriya.

Recollecting all this information tells me that the justice is delayed for some reason, some good reason and the delay time is for the people to perform their karma. performing which qualifies them for obtaining the eternal bliss. After the big judgement none will survive longer to enjoy the fruit of it. Infact the taste of the fruit will not be as expected but different.

Pro Life

It has been quite a long time since i masked my face with fake smiles, false promises and unworthy appreciations. Yes Professional life is something which moves along these non-valuable masks but we have to do all these for the sake of money and survival. We are not realizing that we are losing ourselves into this false image which we create for the professional life.

Being a software professional, I am no exception to that. I too live with this false mask almost half of my day. Out of my college with lot of dreams I entered this pro world. Being new to this pro world I was mesmerized by its offering. I enjoyed forgetting my dreams, I lied frequently for my convenience, I smiled falsely and also I learned. Later at some point of time I started to ask myself the question "Is this what I dreamed about??", I do not have answer for that. Day by day the thought came haunting me, driving me to find the answer.

Something inside kept on saying that "this is not. this is not.", I changed my job, changed my city but not able to change my thoughts. The situation went worse in my new job. To the least I was learning something in my earlier job but this new one was driving me crazy. I wasn't allowed to think of my own, forced to follow. My thoughts were narrowed and they were changing me right in front of my eyes, I didn't like it. Every time I tried to wander my thoughts, they put hurdles to stop them.

I was habituated to do what i think was a junk work. I was forced to praise it, I was lectured as if the work i do was something great. Just like the moon clearly visible on full moon day, the pro life started to unfold its mystery slowly. I see now the true pro life right in front of my eyes mocking at me. I see no hope of chasing my dream rather than just wear the same false mask and move along. It seems to me that everything is lost. yet, at the end of the day when I lie down in my bed my heart asks me the same question "Is this what I dreamed about??".

That is when I realized until I suppress this question from my heart, the hope is not completely lost. The chase is still on.

Second Fiddle

Second fiddle, is a term that refers to something that plays a secondary role in support of something that plays a more major role or leading role. I believe that having second fiddle will make sure that the task we perform is completed. I also believe that it is responsibility of the leading person to create his second fiddle and care should be taken in choosing the second fiddle as the slightest mistake will make things worse and may lead us to a situation beyond our control, leading to our defeat.

I would like to recall an incident which happened in my college. Young out of school and new in college we were separated from our seniors in the name of protection (from ragging). There were some small problem for which we students were suppose to oppose college authorities and we did, it was something new experience and we somehow managed to succeed in it but, what happened next is what something which we didn't expect and were not prepared. At the time of our act when college authorities were agreed for the negotiation we selected one of the student among us to negotiate on behalf of us. After giving what we have requested the college authorities started targeting the guy who represented us and they were giving trouble to him all the possible ways and making his days miserable in college. There were no one behind him when he is experiencing this trouble. He was suppressed and no one else dared the second opposition and rest of our college life were under the control of the college authorities. It was never the our way.

I was admired by the game played by the college authorities by yielding for the first time, they gained control over us for the rest of our college life. I still think how the situation would be if we have a second fiddle when the college authorities targeted our representative. It can all be seen only in dream now. I like watching cricket and there was one time when only one player plays and wins the match for the team. when that wicket falls whole team will fall leaving the match to jeopardy. Very rarely I witnessed matches where the batsman's playing second fiddle to carry out the match to victory. Now the team has been much improvised and I see lot of players are expressing their talent and winning the match for the team. That is the power of the second fiddle.

With second fiddle as the topic of discussion, I cannot stop thinking about the politics and how the second fiddle is leading the country. It was my opinion that now a days the politics is the war between the corrupted politicians and the public. There were lot of second fiddlers in the political side and none in the public. Every man has to be his one and only fiddle and have to survive the politicians. It was not all the same in our history, I believe that back in our history there were strong second fiddlers among the public who helped people get what they wanted from politicians and second fiddlers among politicians who won the war for their country when the king is in utter most peril.

How is this changed now? the immediate question when we talk about the second fiddlers in history. My assumption would be the lack of trust is the main reason. people started being conscious. In the name of safety and security they started to break the trust they had among themselves and they started believing rumors and questioning their loyalty. It has become easy for the third person to break the trust among the two closed ones. It all didn't start suddenly as I would say that some persons started misusing their intelligence for their benefits, playing among their trust. They played so much that it has corrupted the base of the trust. As a result people stopped trusting themselves, not realizing the full impact of this.

The time the people starts realizing this, the situation will go out of control. Writing this blog under the hope that people may be awakened from their long lasting mis-trust.

The End... Revisited.

I started passionate about reading novels only after my college and the first best novel i have read happened to be Harry Potter series. It was one of my favorite novels. As I was reading this novel series there were only 6 books released out of the whole 7 book series. I was more attracted to the novel because of the way it carried me along with the story and I was so much attracted towards it.

I was searching everywhere for the hints of how the end would be. I was going thorough forums and various other harry potter related websites for the infos. Watching me so craze about harry potter some of my friends, relations, and colleagues started reading the novel and they were interested too.

I used to discuss a lot about harry potter in my office hours and there were 2 other colleagues who were equally interested in harry potter and it was like when any one in sees 3 of us discussing in office hours they used to mock us using harry potter spells and stuffs.

I was eagerly waiting for the final book of harry potter not to say that i have read all the six books more than once and read some of the fan fictions of the final book.  Once the release date of the book is announced me and my friend pre-ordered the book and was waitnig for the day to come.

Finally the day arrived and I went to the stores there were queue to get this book and i was standing in the queue for more than 30 minutes to get the book. The moment I got the book I was feeling that i have achieved something great and immediately rushed back to my home and started reading it.

I am not a  fast reader it took me almost a week to finish the final book but, after reading the book I was not satisfied with how it is ended. I was expecting something and the book seems to be literally missing something. I was like is this the final book??? and didn't even showed interest in discussing harry the ending of the series. Infact i felt that some of the fanfic's are well written.

slowly my interest in harry potter has been reduced. I have a habit of reading the particular book before a harry potter movie was released. Recently after the Harry potter and deathly hallows part1 was released i didn't even care to read the book again because of my disappointment and went for the movie. The movie was nice and it seem to recall my memories about the final book.

I felt that there is something odd in the movie like it recalled most of my memories some of which i am not clear enough what actually happened so i decided to read the novel again before the second part of deathly hallows get released. I started reading the book and felt something different than reading it for the first time. To my surprise I was actually impressed by the novel. I am not sure why but I was looking at the novel entirely from a different vantage point now.

There were many information which is of my interest which i haven't noticed last time. I actually enjoy reading it again. I remembered then one of the incident with my colleagues as my colleague who started reading Eragon series after Harry potter suggested me the same. He mentioned that the 3rd part brisingr is about to release and that would be the final part and asked me to read the novel. But i didnt find time at that time and i started reading that series after the release of the 3rd part and my colleague was mentioning that the 3rd part was not that impressive.

But when I finished the 3 parts i liked all the 3 then i told my colleague about the similarity between the harry potter last book which i didn't like because i expected something which was not satisfied in it and in the similar way this 3rd was not up to your likeness because you were expecting something and i liked it because i wasn't expecting anything and to my luck that the trilogy has been converted to a cycle. Now eagerly waiting for the ending of eragon series.

This signifies that when we really expect something and something too much, then no matter how good you get it you will not be satisfied. It is really a difficult task to satisfy ones expectation. When you analyze the same with peace of mind and no expectations then you will realize what you actually got was a diamond and not charcoal.

My Interest lies elsewhere

This topic which i am about to blog today is something special and i believe at some point of time everyone might have felt that their interest lies elsewhere, some might even feel it while reading this blog :) yet, I continue this blog hoping that it might be of intereset to someone like me.

I thought of blogging about this topic long time back but in poetic form, and it so happened that i am not good in poetic presentation and my interests were elsewhere, so after quite a long time i am revisiting this topic in the form of essay.

Most of the time in my life the work i do were not of my interest say for eg., I wanted to play during my school days but, i studied giving less importance to playing. I studied, studied and studied till i get into college and all of sudden i felt the change in course of my life. I started to learn many things some with my knowledge and some without. At that young age, devoid of wisdom I believed in all that were told to me, never realizing the consequences of that belief.

I started working after my college but my interests were still at the college life and the enjoyment i am about to miss, not knowing the new lessons awaiting for me in this corporate world. Worked I to my ability putting all my effort and knowledge only to end up knowing the lies that were told to me when i was young. I hated knowing the truth but it haunted me and the more i learnt the more i suffered. Knowing truth increases your knowledge and you gain wisdom but, you will loose your innocense and you will no longer be yourself.

My interests were not the truth I learnt, not the work I do but I always end up in doing those. Time kept on moving yet, I havent found what my interests are and every single thing i come across, my heart kept on saying "my interest lies elsewhere". The quest continues hoping that one day my heart will say "my interest lies here".

For those who wish to know my presentation in peotic form, a small snippet

"When I started school, to study
My Interest was elsewhere
As days and months passby
studies became my interest

As young, eager to learn
knows not good or bad, learnt I
devoid of wisdom, believed I
whatever was told to me ........."

Fast and Furious

"Changes are constant in this world". This is the famous statemet ( do not know who said it exactly) but have heard it using in many places. So why do people always talk about changes because it is part of our day to day life, whatever we saw yesterday might get changed today say for eg., we had WTC (world trade center) yesteryear and today we do not have it. There are many such things which we had yesteryear and not now and the saddest part is that we do not realize that we are missing something as we care more about the changing future than the changed past.

But, if we stop for a moment and look back at the past about what have we lost some of us might regret for the changes happened and so am I. Its not like that I do not like the changes but the rate of the change is not good enough it occurred to me that the changes we experience now is way too fast and the impact of the changes is huge before we realize what we have lost we have to prepare ourselves for new change. it all occurred to me when i was watching a movie by the name "The Last Samurai". The movie talks about the tribe called samurai who fights against the rapid changes that takes place in their country and they say that these new modern world which adopted the western culture will lose their identity, True it is.

I started to recall things that i miss most in my life, and there are many as i kept on numbering the list were endless. For people who are mesmerized by the rapidly changing world, will not be able to get what i am trying to say here, but it is true that we have lost many things because of the rapid changes. one such thing is the capability of the humans and his skills were lost in this modernized world. I used to write a lot in my childhood days and now i do not even touch pen, everything happens in internet and i just type what ever i need to write and I fear that going forward there is a chance that people might forget how to write . In the olden days people were powerful and skillful and as the world evolved over time he got used to machines and his mechanical life where he just puts all his efforts into innovating some machines that do the job for him.

Men forget to realize by doing so the upcoming generations will not know the basics which would make them incapable of solving their problems if machines fails. People are so much engaged to cope up with the competing world and forgets to pass on the talent he posses. As a result machines has become the essential part of the life say in my life i used to carry mobile phones where ever i go and i am using a desktop computers in my work and use television daily and i am sharing this with the you guys in the internet.

Thinking deep in this topic i realized that many talents which my ancestors possessed were not passed down to me. They were able to tell time by looking at the sun rays but now i always have to look at my watch or mobile phone. Many of such arts are getting destroyed because of rapid changes in this world and people are struggling hard to survive in the modern world where they do not find time to pass on the talents they possess. The worst part of the changes are that it makes people get attracted towards it and make the people to use it and get rid of their own identity.

we can discuss a lot on this topic about how we lost ourselves in this modernized world but as i am not finding much time to do so, I conclude my blog here. I do not know whether i have presented it correctly but this we are loosing our past just to take advantage of changes, instead of increasing our capability we are increasing machines capability to do that work for us and we stay at the same spot completely relying on machines which might also beginning of the new era.